1,059 Quotes by Dave Barry

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

Reading... a vacation for the mind....