I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.