I'm a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it. You know who else was kind of "divisive" in terms of challenging the status quo and the powers-that-be of his day? Jesus Christ.

Guns are our friends because in a country without guns, I'm what's known as "prey." All females are.

No matter what argument you make against evolution, the response is Well, you know, it's possible to believe in evolution and believe in God. Yes, and it's possible to believe in Spiderman and believe in God, but that doesn't prove Spiderman is true.

When conservative judges strike down laws, it's because of what's in the Constitution. When liberal judges strike down laws (or impose new laws), it's because of what's in the New York Times

The Democratic Party supports criminals and Islamic terrorists but has no sympathy for taxpayers.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm a middle-of-the-road moderate and the rest of you are crazy.

As the saying goes: God made man and woman; Colonel Colt made them equal.

I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.

From the people who brought you "zero tolerance," I present the Gun-Free Zone! Yippee! Problem solved! Bam! Bam! Everybody down! Hey, how did that deranged loner get a gun into this Gun-Free Zone?