Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight.