Heaven. The biggest waste of our time we ever invented, outside jigsaws.

I want a Zero Tolerance policy on All The Patriarchal Bullshit.

It's very important my parent's don't think I'm starting to fall in love with people, because then they might notice that I'm growing up, and I'm kind of trying to keep it a secret. I think it will cause an incident

If I don't keep this job, then my only future career-options are working in Argos, or being a prostitute,' I say, wildly.'Maybe you could work in Argos as a prostitute,' my mother says, merrily. She appears to be enjoying this conversation. 'They could list you in the catalogue, and people could queue up, and wait for you to come down the conveyor belt.

So what is the best vegetable? Well, we all know that: it's the potato. The vegetable you can't screw up. You can throw a potato into a bonfire, run away from it - and, an hour later, it's turned into a meal. Try doing that with broccoli, or a trifle, and it will laugh in your face.

Goosing my own Maverick.