My heart keeps beating twice my pace and I’m worried about what?I.do.not.know but the anxiety is creeping up and my chest tightens and I lock myself in the bathroom to breathe. I escape wherever whoever I’m with when this happens and I still don’t know why it keeps happening but it does and I just get so fucking sad and worried and unstill and I can’t stop it.

so if you’d see me nowon these streetswhere I once imagined walking with youyou’d have a hard time recognising me.It takes a lot to run away.

I am not collarbones or drunken letters never sent. I am not the way I leave or left or didn’t know how to handle anything,at any time,and I am not your fault.

You were the hardest year of my life and I’ve never been so happy. What does that say about me?

I have found no other cure for loneliness than to befriend it.

This is a book about how it really is possible to grow through heartbreak. Enter like a child and exit like an adult. Really, truly feeling it.

Well, at least this is what I told myself every day as I fell asleep with the fire still burning and the moon shining high up in the sky and my head spinning comforting from two bottles of wine, and I smiled with tears in my eyes because it was beautiful and so god damn sad and I did not know how to be one of those without the other.

I was a flower that bloomed and sparked way too fast. He took me in ’cause I was pretty in all kinds of colors but way too soon I stood on his table sad and dried up. I forgot to nourish myself and the sun never shone from my sky.

So I was a stone in the sea. Gravity gave up on keeping me above the surface. I did not try to swim and so I sank to the bottom with no will to turn back. ”I’m tired,” I told him. ”I’m done”.But he wouldn’t let me and he held me up even on his hardest days and he was a lighthouse when all I saw was darkness.