We were going for cake with…wait for it…a six-foot snake.

Like the time JTC sent me an invitation to MaryEllen Marini’s costume party, which might have been okay if I was actually invited to her party, and it had been a costume party.

We have big department stores like Bloomingdale’s and Saks Fifth Avenue. It’s like this place ate those stores and a carnival. Is there anything it doesn’t have?

Fine, the Drama Police called, and they said maybe I’m not a goner, but I won’t get a tart, which is pretty much the same thing. My blood sugar is low.

I’d heard people order coffee drinks whose names went on for half an hour . . . A double mocha joka jerky over ice with a peppermint twist and a Kansas City pickle on the side.

This is bril. I can’t wait to shop. Very bril.” Okay, maybe one too many “brils,” but it was progress.

Finn made a gurgling noise from his throat that didn’t sound exactly like choking, but then again, I’d never seen anyone being poisoned before. I was standing over him, ready to do CPR, when I noticed that he wasn’t choking; he was laughing.

VIP?” Ellie asked. “Ha-ha-ha! I said ‘pee’!

I pictured myself falling off and getting trampled to death. Caroline would be beyond embarrassed, but I wouldn’t care because I’d be dead, and Ellie would have her fill of blood and guts until the sequel to Bloodsucking Zombies was released.