Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.