No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.

The longest sentence you can form with two words is: I do.

Popularity--The capacity for listening sympathetically when men boast of their wives and women complain of their husbands.

He marries best who puts it off until it is too late.

The worst of marriage is that it makes a woman believe that all other men are just as easy to fool.

I am a strict monogamist: it is twenty years since I last went to bed with two women at once, and then I was in my cups and not myself.