I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.

I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.

I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow... children. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can't read it.