Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.

The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

I have no line. If I think it's funny, it's funny.

Prince Charles is so funny. So, so funny.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.