29 Quotes by Marc Maron about Funny
- Author Marc Maron
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How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudge chunks, cheddar goldfish and pennies - you've got to draw a line there.
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- Author Marc Maron
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?
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I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.
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A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What - does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.'
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- Author Marc Maron
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We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.
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- Author Marc Maron
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For my next trick I will make everyone understand me.
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I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career.
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You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'
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- Author Marc Maron
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I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, 'No! No! This wasn't what it was supposed to be about, people!' Then if there's a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, 'Listen, fat man, you're just a clown at my birthday party.'
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