Sex is like pizza: if you're going to use BBQ sauce, you better know what the fuck you're doing.

You're not the butcher, selling sausages. You're the cow, pre-sausage.

Bad choices make good stories.

Love is an addiction.

The purpose of a democratic government is to protect the poor from the rich. The purpose of religion is to protect the rich from the poor.

Make racism wrong again.

Owning a gun proves "In God we trust" is a lie. If you actually trusted in God, you wouldn't feel like you need a gun.

Ten short years ago, nobody had ever heard of a selfie. But today every decent cell phone has not one but two cameras, so you can take idiotic duck face pictures. And don't forget the billion dollar selfie-stick industry. Capitalism has found a whole new way to turn our vanity into profit.

Love makes life worth living.