Scroll through a list of books online, and you will find page after page after page of book covers with shirtless guys and titles that scream BILLIONAIRE ROMANCE! or ALPHA-MALE PARANORMAL WEREWOLF ROMANCE! or something equally ridiculous. All these shitty books look like clones of each other. There's not an original thought in sight.

You know what I love about writing non-fiction? The story is already there. I just have to write it down.

I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

If no one reads your books, are you still an author?

Ricky Gervais, Louis CK, Anthony Jeselnik and I have the same sense of humor. They're just better at it than I am.

You're not the butcher, selling sausages. You're the cow, pre-sausage.

I call my writing style 'Short-Attention-Span Stand-Up.' Or SASSU for short. Sassy.

The difference between a writer and an author: Writers call each other writers. Readers call writers authors.

Don't worry about offending people. Any time you write something thought provoking, some idiots will complain, because they hate it when you make them think.