Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Daughters can spend ten percent more than a man can make in any usual occupation. That’s a law of nature, to be known henceforth as ‘Harshaw’s Law.

Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get.

Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.

The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens.

Nothing could go wrong because nothing had...I meant "nothing would." No - Then I quit trying to phrase it, realizing that if time travel ever became widespread, English grammar was going to have to add a whole new set of tenses to describe reflexive situations - conjugations that would make the French literary tenses and the Latin historical tenses look simple.

Women talk when they want to. Or don't.

I often calculate odds on horse races; the civil service computermen frequently program such requests. But the results are so at variance with expectations that I have concluded either that the data is too meager, or the horses or riders are not honest. Possibly all three.

Were you born stupid, Heinrich, or did you have to study?