Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they're the cultures of the people who have been the most oppressed, black people and Jews. Not that they're the only funny people, but culturally, it comes from the pain, you know?

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece...

I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny.

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.