244 Quotes by Adam Carolla

There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.

If you want to know where someone is at physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually, look at where they’re living.

I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the ‘Every vote counts.’

I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

I don’t know anything about computers.

I don’t know why I seem to be the only one who understands that when the government provides something for free – whether it’s food, housing, or health care – there is a human cost.

I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’