244 Quotes by Adam Carolla

I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.

The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.

I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.

All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.

The Zipper is scarier than any ride at Six Flags because there is a real element of danger. It was put together that morning by a guy who was smoking and sipping off a flask while he was doing it. And the House of Mirrors is a disaster. It’s a fun house where the fun is head trauma from running into a sheet of glass.

When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.

The government is a giant corporation with no competition that is constantly trying to keep you off balance so it can siphon more money from you.

In changing the definitions of words, we have lost all sense of meaning and, simultaneously, our minds.

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.