76 Quotes by Adam Ferrara

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!

I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’