20 Quotes by Adam Selzer

Let me get this straight," I say. "You're practically ordering me to die. What kind of guidance counselor are you?

When you’re dead, everything in the world is like a song that makes you cry.

Some of them are wearing skirts that I’m pretty sure are supposed to be belts.

If you really like someone, it doesn’t matter what their mouth feels or tastes like. The kiss is still awesome.

Isn’t it generally known that you have to overlook flaws in people you date, to some extent? I mean, you expect them to overlook your flaws. It’s only fair that you overlook some of theirs.

The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was the most sweeping civil rights legislation of its day, and included women’s rights as part of its reforms. Ironically, the section on women’s rights was added by a senator from Virginia who opposed the whole thing and was said to be sure that if he stuck something about womens’ rights into it, it would never pass. The bill passed anyway, though, much to the chagrin of a certain wiener from Virginia.

I mean, who wants to date a guy who thinks a girl who can’t operate a fruit cup is attractive?

Did you just hit on her by calling her your cousin?” asks Sadie. “’Cause, damn!

Let me get this straight,” I say. “You’re practically ordering me to die. What kind of guidance counselor are you?