35 Quotes by Alan Coren

Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a Wirtschaftswunder , which can be briefly translated as "The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.

In the days when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened, I know one boy who won't be sweating. I intend to raise my coffin-lid briskly, throw a few things into an overnight bag, and, whistling something appropriate, prepare to meet my Maker.

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when you get in?

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.

I wonder sometimes if manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear