1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.

MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.

JOSS-STICKS- Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.

MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.

LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."

To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.