1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

Learning -the kind of ignorance affected by (and affecting) civilized races, as distinguished from ignorance, the sort of learning incurred by savages. See nonsense.

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

LAP, n. One of the most important organs of the female system - an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males.

UNITARIAN, n. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.