1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid’s belief in the virtue of maids.

ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader’s mind the dampest kind of dejection.

Self-evident, adj. Evident to one’s self and to nobody else.

CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity. An Italian proverb says: “The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.”

Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.

Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.

TABLE D’HOTE, n. A caterer’s thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician’s forecast of disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.