1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.

FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.

PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.

REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.

recollect, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

Quill: An instrument of torture yielded by a goose and commonly weilded by as ass.