1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.

To the eye of failure success is an accident.

IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow.

Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

The place whereon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool.

LOSS, n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his election".

self-esteem, n. An erroneous appraisal.

ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape as "One day a wag - what would the wretch be at? Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT, And said it was a god's name! . . ."