1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul. The sea was calm and the sky was blue; Merrily, merrily sailed we two. (High barometer maketh glad.) On the tipsy ship, with a dreadful shout, The tempest descended and we fell out. (O the walking is nasty bad!)Armit Huff Bettle

Marriage, n.: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

Her locks an ancient lady gaveHer loving husband's life to save;And men — they honored so the dame —Upon some stars bestowed her name.But to our modern married fair,Who'd give their lords to save their hair,No stellar recognition's given.There are not stars enough in heaven.

On this night I had searched for them without success, fearing to find them; they were nowhere in the house, nor about the moonlit dawn. For, although the sun is lost to us for ever, the moon, full-orbed or slender, remains to us. Sometimes it shines by night, sometimes by day, but always it rises and sets, as in that other life.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.

ADAMANT, n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of gold.

There is no place, it seems, free from the intrusion of Man, who stretches out his hand for everything, even that which is in the air.

Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.