1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.

A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go.

Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.

CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

Every heart is the lair of a ferocious animal. The greatest wrong that you can put upon a man is to provoke him to let out his beast.