1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Etna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.

ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.

Truth is so good a thing that falsehood can not afford to be without it.

Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.

Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.

PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.

UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.