1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.

Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is. Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.

REACH, n. The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the propensity to provide.

CRAYFISH, n. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but less indigestible.

POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.

Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.

Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.