1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic. The editor of an English magazine having received a letter pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed "Perfection," promptly wrote at the foot of the letter: "I don't agree with you," and mailed it to Matthew Arnold.

FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living just around the corner. It has even been known to wear a moustache.

TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word have been affirmed, but so high an authority as Father Jape says that it comes from a very obvious source --the first words of the ancient Latin hymn _Te Deum Laudamus_. In this apparently natural derivation there is something that saddens.

A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.

HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.