1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.

Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.

Phoenix, n. The classical prototype of the modern 'small hot bird.'

Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.

SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity. Its habit of incubating its eggs in a ball of ordure may also have commended it to the favor of the priesthood, and may some day assure it an equal reverence among ourselves. True, the American beetle is an inferior beetle, but the American priest is an inferior priest.

CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, author of 'Cogito ergo sum' to demonstrate the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved 'Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum' 'I think that I think, therefore I think that I am' as close an approach.

EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom.