1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should be.

The best kind of onion soup is the simplest kind.

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, though Horizontalists hold that the posture of the body was immaterial.

COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg "pate".