1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer . . .

Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem - a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success.

Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.

IGNORAMUS, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

RITE, n. A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.

ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.

To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.