1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.

Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.

Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized.