177 Quotes by Amy Schumer

I’m still proud of a lot of my jokes when I started.

I donated blood today. That’s what I call getting an AIDS test.

I am not special just because I’m famous right now.

I think for anyone to become good at something, they have to fail a lot too. And they have to be completely unafraid to fail or they’ll never make it to the next level.

First of all, nobody can be innocent and wise at the same time. That’s another one of those impossible combinations.

I’ve got a terrible person in me just as much as anybody else, and I think – I like to think I also have a really good person in me.

I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out – I work out hard.

What’s wrong with being alone anyway? Being alone is sometimes a great place to be, but people are always trying to correct this “problem” for you, even if you yourself don’t have any kind of problem with it.

I hate false advertising, like ‘Skittles: taste the rainbow.’ No one’s ever been like, ‘Rainbow, right you guys?’ Or what’s Reese’s? ‘There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s.’ Oh, really? Tell that to my uncle who used to put them in my underwear. Alright, maybe your uncles didn’t love you.