177 Quotes by Amy Schumer

I finally just slept with my high school crush. But I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation – like I know where I’m going to be in three years.

Don’t be afraid to excuse yourself. Recharge for as long as you need. Lean up against a tree and take a break from the other bears. I’ll be there too, but I promise not to bother you.

Isn’t it funny that they say most girls have daddy issues, when really, every dude does?

Comedy isn’t really something where you get discovered. You can’t network your way to being funny or talented. It’s not hard to get seen if you’re funny. If you’re funny, talented, and work hard, you will go somewhere.

We all accept too easily that life has to be hard and forget to make sure we have the most fun we can.

I feel very open with people, and I’m good at disarming them and having conversations.

I’m not bulletproof, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this. As women, we relive our fears all the time, despite our best efforts to build each other up and truly love ourselves. It happens.

I may sound like a megalomaniac, but I feel like I’m equipped to become a great, memorable comedian, if I keep working my ass off and staying at the pace I’m at, and I feel a responsibility to do that because of the women who have done it before me, and the ones who need to do it after me.

I’ve always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don’t say anything for shock value.