22 Quotes by Andrew Kaufman

Okay, there's this thing you can do, a thing you can do like no other person on this planet. That makes you special, but being special ready doesn't mean anything. You still have to get dressed in the morning. Your shoelaces still break. Your lover will still leave you if you don't treat her right.

Okay, there's this thing you can do, a thing you can do like no other person on this planet. That makes you special, but being special ready doesn't mean anything. You still have to get dressed in the morning. Your shoelaces still break. Your lover will still leave you if you don't treat her right

She said, “Only the weak are afraid to appear so.

The Sloth would sit on his couch, paralyzed by all the things he wasn't taking care of. Then one day, a Wednesday, he just said, 'Fuck it!' He threw his hands up into the air and said, 'Fuck it!' This was the day that the sloth discovered his superpower, an amazing ability to say 'Fuck it' and really, truly mean it.

MISTRESS CLEANASYOUGO The most powerful superhero of all, the one everyone wishes they were, is Mistress Cleanasyougo. At the end of every day she folds her clothes. She never leaves scissors on the table, pens with no ink are thrown in the trash, wet towels are always hung up, dishes are washed directly after dinner and nothing is left unsaid.

I’ve got the love that’s yours as long as you do what you’re told, the love that worries it’s not good enough, the love that worries that it’ll be found out, the love that fears being judged and found lacking, the love that’s almost – but not quite – strong enough, the love that makes you feel they’re better than you.

No one gets found in love. Everyone gets lost in it, Because love is overwhelming. Its beyond your control. You have to relinquish control to be in love. And that’s a good thing. There’s a beauty to being lost in something bigger than you.

We’re not together anymore, but if I hadn’t met her, I’d still be blue.

Okay, there’s this thing you can do, a thing you can do like no other person on this planet. That makes you special, but being special ready doesn’t mean anything. You still have to get dressed in the morning. Your shoelaces still break. Your lover will still leave you if you don’t treat her right.