369 Quotes by Andy Rooney

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

I just wish insignificance had more stature.

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.