369 Quotes by Andy Rooney

Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.

It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.

Let’s face it, though, anything that’s apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn’t covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I’ll buy a new one. That’s the American way.

My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you’re a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That’s the way to get an idea.

By the time they’re ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.

It’s best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it’s requested, and when it’s a life threatening situation.

I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you – the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what’s wrong and try to make it better. That’s what a patriotic American does.

Women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!