369 Quotes by Andy Rooney

Believing is such a comfort that it’s hard to give up a belief just because it isn’t true.

I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.

Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.

We’re all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.

I’m already suspicious of anyone who thinks he or she is smart enough to be president. You’d have to have some ego to believe that about yourself.

I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.

We all ought to understand we’re on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn’t do kids any harm for a few years but it isn’t smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.

I can’t choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it.

Once you pass forty, a dime isn’t worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.