369 Quotes by Andy Rooney

I’d be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn’t believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don’t think it does.

One of my major shortcomings – I’m vindictive. I don’t know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It’s a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened.

You’re better off missing a bus or an airplane once in a while than you are getting there too early all the time.

I’d like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.

I don’t differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.

A writer’s job is to tell the truth.

Most of us aren’t that interested in getting rich- we just don’t want to get poor.

My mother always called me ‘sturdy’ and said I have big bones. A little fat is what I am.

I’ve done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I’ve complained about, I can’t complain about my life.