369 Quotes by Andy Rooney

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.

I try to look nice. I comb my hair, I tie my tie, I put on a jacket, but I draw the line when it comes to trimming my eyebrows. You work with what you got.

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

I am not retiring. Writers don't retire. Writers never stop writing.

One of my major shortcomings - I'm vindictive. I don't know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It's a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened.

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.

One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money than most billionaires. But that's as far as I want to go being kind to Bill Gates.

I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

My most serious character flaw is that I don't deny myself much.