88 Quotes by Argus Hamilton

If it's not true, it's libel. If it's true, just think of the ballplayer he might have been.

Jackie Robinson was honored in the U.S. Capitol Wednesday. What a ceremony. It doubled the number of statues in the rotunda because when it was mentioned that he was a lifelong Republican and Richard Nixon supporter, the Democrats turned to stone.

Pakistan test-fired its first cruise missile Thursday in a blatant attempt to intimidate India. It flies beneath radar. If they attacked India with a nuclear cruise missile it could wipe out the entire United States customer service industry.

Officials say the only thing Los Angeles will have to build is an Olympic pistol range. What's wrong with the freeways we already have?

ABC's Monday Night Football held a telethon for hurricane victims Monday when the Giants played the Saints. It went just as expected. Two days later, President Bush called and volunteered to conduct the pre-game coin toss.

The (NFL's) new television deal will add Thursday and Saturday night games to the Sunday and Monday games. Advertisers believe the more marriages they break up, the more beer they will sell.

The Country Music Awards were held Wednesday night at Universal City. The best country songs are always about drinking and guns and love gone wrong. Next year they’re giving Robert Blake the Lifetime Achievement Award.

Barclays Bank in England purchased bankrupt Lehman Brothers Tuesday along with its Manhattan tower, saving nine thousand jobs. It’s humiliating. The United States of America is 232 years old and we’re having to go to mom for money.

Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore rescinded the state’s European Heritage Month proclamation for fear it would sound racist. It’s too bad. Thus ends a month of celebrating the 400-year progression of our nation’s British culture from wood to steel to graphite shafts.