88 Quotes by Argus Hamilton

New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani fired his wife, Donna Hanover, as official hostess of the mayor’s mansion last weekend. He’s got his own idea of what a hostess should be. He wants a little cupcake.

The Columbus Day Parade was held Monday in New York. Columbus was the world’s first Democrat. He left not knowing where he was going, arrived not knowing where he was, went home not knowing where he had been, and he did it all on government money.

Michael Moore announced that his next documentary film will attack the health care industry in America. He’s not out to get the pharmaceutical companies. He’s just looking for something to relieve the redness in the center of the country.

Hillary Clinton ripped FBI Director Louis Freeh on Wednesday. She said she can’t understand how FBI documents could vanish and then mysteriously reappear. She has to say that or she’d be thrown out of the Magician’s Society.

Wimbledon attracted Bill Clinton to the gallery at Centre Court Tuesday at the All England Club. NBC cameras showed his head turning back and forth with each volley. Even at a tennis match, it looks like he’s denying everything.

Hillary Clinton flew with President Bush to New York City on Tuesday. She was amazed at the changes aboard Air Force One. For eight years she believed that flight attendants couldn’t wear clothes because it made the plane too heavy.

There’s no shortage of attention junkies with large breasts in Hollywood but only Michael Moore’s are real.

No wonder we keep testing positive in their bicycle races. Everyone looks like they’re full of testosterone when they’re surrounded by Frenchmen.

If it turns out that Barry Bonds used steroids to bulk up and add muscle mass, he could get four to eight years as governor of California.