65 Quotes by Ari Shaffir

As long as you have your own apartment and you can pretty much make rent for the next year, you're golden!

I don't vote and I don't follow who's trying to rule us. The revolution is coming. Until then, I'll just watch 'Game of Thrones.'

I grew up so conservative. I grew up as an orthodox Jew.

Sometimes I start off shows by explaining to people that it's just a bunch of stories - I always say 'It's like standup, just less funny.'

I think you're a comedian as soon as you start. I don't think there's a moment where you become a full comic.

I'm not intentionally dirty. It just kind of happens. It's not like I'm a shock comic who's looking to walk people.

I love gummy bears, pretzels of all kinds, popcorn, Doritos - those are all healthy snacks.

If you like a conversational style of comedy, if you like comedy that's a little dangerous, I'm your guy.

I'm just a weird mix of immature and intelligent and I like to share my point of view and who I am.