115 Quotes by Art Buchwald

The best way to clean up a son’s room is to close the door and pretend it’s not part of the house.

An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn’t know any women.

When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I’ve gotten so well Medicare won’t pay for me anymore.

I don’t know whether this is the best of times or the worst of times, but I assure you it’s the only time you’ve got. You can either sit on your expletive deleted or pick a daisy.

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I’m going first class.

I’m working when I’m fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

I know it’s very egocentric to believe that someone is put on Earth for a reason. In my case, I like to think I was.

I have no idea where I’m going but here’s the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?

I don’t know what’s coming next and neither does anyone else. It’s something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don’t want to face it. And there’s denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.