571 Quotes by Augusten Burroughs

It wasn’t like he was holding me so much as trying to hold onto something.

When strangers saw him cowering and shivering and skittering, they all assumed he’d had a dramatically abusive past. And by “all,” I mean every single person who saw him. Each one felt the need to make sad faces and say, “Awwww, look at how scared he is. He must be a rescue.” I quickly got to the point where I wanted to say, “Actually, no, he’s a purebred, but I beat him.” Thin.

I don’t really think of my blog as a real blog. It’s a lame blog. It’s more like my when-the-mood-strikes update, or smoke signal.

Like socks in a dryer, it had vanished into the ether.

What little factual information I absorbed in my life was gleaned from lectures the Professor gave to Gilligan. For.

Dutch isn’t easy for the outsider to learn, because it’s spoken from the back of the throat at the trigger spot for the gag reflex. In order to make the correct sounds, you have to have quite a bit of phlegm at the ready, which is probably why everybody smokes. Nonsmokers can’t even understand Dutch, let alone speak a single word of it. The.

Saying just the right thing after a considerable, awkward pause is far less effective than saying the wrong thing with perfect timing. I’m telling you.

Any damage that’s been done, you have to fix yourself because it needs fixing and there is nobody else to do the work. Blame may well be justified, but it’s not going to move you forward in your life.

I thought, This is how it feels inside the right decision.