571 Quotes by Augusten Burroughs

But she did love him. I believe it. I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention.

Throwing things horrified me. I suffered extreme, paralyzing anxiety when it came to anything remotely athletic. I wouldn’t even run to catch the school bus because I knew I’d trip and then get teased for a year.

Dutch isn’t easy for the outsider to learn, because it’s spoken from the back of the throat at the trigger spot for the gag reflex.

You can see self-pity every day if you live near a playground like I do. Little kids trip or get shoved and they fall over all the time. Usually, they don’t appear to be hurt. They look surprised to see that what was just an instant ago beneath their shoes is now pressed up against their nose. Little kids also know that injuries are an opportunity for extra affection. So whenever you see a little kid take a spill, they’ll look around to verify a nearby adult presence and then they’ll let it rip.

I wish I had a tray table in my bedroom and I wish I smoked, just so I could extinguish my smoking materials.

I never could have written the screenplay because I would have been forced to learn new software and I can’t learn one more thing.

I love you,” she said, and I knew she meant it because she spoke the words from the heart at the center of her chest. This, at least, had not been left behind at the hospital.

We never sampled our drugs because we were afraid of them, but to admit it aloud would have broken the spell.

I think people might think, oh, I don’t want to approach the big famous author because it’s embarrassing, but then they think for two seconds about it and realize, this is, like, a toilet bowl reader.