571 Quotes by Augusten Burroughs

When you say, “I need more confidence,” what you’re really saying is, “I need those people over there to approve of me.” That is the desire to control other people and what they think. The first person who figures out how to do this owns the world.

Dennis asked, “Do you enjoy jazz? Because I love it, and I know of a place downtown where we could go.” “And then we can have broken glass and arsenic for dinner!” I felt like replying, because I barely tolerated jazz when I encountered it in elevators or dental offices. But I considered that when you meet somebody who really loves something, the high-road thing to do is to try to love it, too, so I wrote back, “That sounds great!

He’s a really nice guy, if only I weren’t me.

His laugh is made if porch swings and lemonade.

Awe, I discovered, was my favorite feeling. It was a rare experience, but when it happened, it was like an orgasm for the mind.

The person who loses their ability to walk will care more about the brownies than about the walking. Because if they have lost the ability to walk, they have accepted the loss. Walking was then, brownies are now. You would be amazed by what you can give up, lose, or break and yet still be a person who gets happy over brownies. It only seems like I am kidding.

I suppose home is, for me, more of a state of mind. It’s really more of about being where I want to be with people I care about.

I don’t think writers -in general- ever achieve the fame of movie stars. For the simple reason that only a fraction of the population reads. But I guess there are exceptions.

As charming as the room was, I knew it wouldn’t work for me. I do not need charming. I need to be online, at all times. I need surge protection.